Some prodigals are way out there. You know what I mean. They jump out second-story windows and throw the air hockey table across the room. And wouldn’t you love to have a conversation with them when they aren’t stoned? Maybe they get arrested, rage at you, or don’t keep jobs. Some parents prefer yelling to frozen silence. You wonder if they will find success.
Then there are your friends with highly successful offspring. They made first chair in clarinet, lettered in football, were elected class president, graduated cum laude, and manage key departments. Their relationships flow like a breeze on the calm sea. They appear stunningly happy and successful. It’s hard not to feel jealous of their apparently successful children.
We all long for our children to be successful and happy. But does success really lead to happiness?
Success
Even if you have a child who achieves by the world’s standards, you may wonder where they stand morally and spiritually. Lifestyle declares priorities. Maybe your child decided church is old-fashioned or that they already know everything about God. They believe intelligent people don’t need God. Perhaps they claim to know God, but what’s first in their hearts? Possessions, position, or power? When you’re unsure what their eternity holds, is that success?
For those of us dealing with estrangement, drug addicts, jailbirds, and broken hearts, anything else looks like success. Just a few good days might feel like success. Expectations can take a low dive. What if prospects for your child feel crushingly hopeless? Happily, it is not our feelings that determine the future. It’s our choices.
Maybe we should ask ourselves what we really want for our children. What do top grades, high awards, or a great job do for the children? What do they gain? Do we want them to make us look like great parents? Will it yield inner peace? Does it make them happy or fill them with joy? Let’s talk about happiness and joy.
Happiness
Maybe what we want is simply for our children to be happy. Happiness comes when their circumstances line up to give them what they want, perhaps comfort, encouraging relationships, and delicious food. What if circumstances change? Maybe the blue cheese is a little too blue, or they get rejected. What if a co-worker steals the idea and gets the promotion? Maybe their shoes are too narrow, or the snow fell too hard. Poof! Outward success may only bring fleeting happiness. Difficult circumstances may circumvent happiness.
When we have a close friendship with the God of the universe, we are safe and secure. Value and worth blossom when we know we are forever loved. A joyful heart is of greater value than a shelf full of trophies.
Money and fame don’t necessarily define success or lead to joy either. Millionaires commit suicide. Stars fall into drug addiction. Worldly success is a poor indicator of a joyful soul. What does it take to find lasting peace and joy?
Joy
We long to cultivate joy in the lives of our children. Joy burbles from the depths of our souls, flooding our hearts with sunlight and rainbows. Joy deep within us cannot be shaken. Joy doesn’t depend on our circumstances; it leans on who we are, what we believe, and our inner peace. When circumstances look rosy, it’s hard to see the need for spirituality. But when we have confidence in our eternity, when we know the security of friendship with our creator, we dance in the effervescent warmth and joy of inner peace. Joy is true success.
Traveling into Joy
Sometimes the trip into joy for our prodigals is arduous. God uses life’s unexpected events to alter thinking. Because of a sick child, a prodigal came to faith and hope. Because of a faltering marriage, the reckless newlywed learned humility and to honor others above herself. Because the prodigal was in jail, he learned to pray again. Because of depression, the wild child bent her knee to Almighty God. We often need to come to the end of ourselves to find new life and renewed hope.
Although our children may desperately need to turn their lives around, they rarely choose change before they hit rock bottom. Traditionally, growth comes through pain and consequences.
Pretending our child is completely fabulous and doesn’t need God won’t help them. Neither will wallowing in despair over poor choices. Here are some tips to help our children and ourselves find true success and joy.
For your prodigal:
- Do not judge. God fixes people after they come to Him. No one has to be perfect to turn to Jesus. That’s not even possible.
- Ask questions and be a good listener to encourage your loved one on the right path. Never, ever insist on being right. Be gentle and humble.
- Speak the truth in love. Some are truthful at the expense of love. Some are busy with love and never speak the truth. Seek balance and kindness.
For you:
- Refuse to live with envy, which leads to anxiety, low self-worth, and broken relationships. Comparisons create winners and losers, leading to either arrogance or shame. Challenge negative thoughts. Cherish the good. Double your joy by rejoicing with those who rejoice.
- Share what your priorities are. Maybe they think position, power, or pesos are the most important because that’s what they learned at home. Most of us learn more through example than words. Model daily times with God and wise priorities.
- Pray faithfully, diligently, and continuously. God moves through the prayers of His beloved.
True success lasts through eternity.
“What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?” (Matthew 16:26, NIV).
Dear Lord, thank you that knowing you is true success. Grant my child diligence in pursuing you, the holy and wise God. Please lead them to a life of joy. Great God of the universe, help me to put you first in my life and to model wise priorities. Keep me from all judging and jealousy. Thank you for being the loving and peaceful God of gentleness. Bless me with the kindness, courage, and gentleness to speak the truth in love. Grant me faithfulness in my prayers. Thank you that you are a God who hears and answers with love. Amen.
