My only son is in prison. Part of my heart is locked behind barbed wire, nibbling on miserable rations, feasting on sorrow. Fear is real. Safety not so much. Some people are released without much time, while others serve long sentences that feel unjust. Hope is a scarce commodity.
I cannot find an upside to anyone spending their 20s in prison. Precious youthful years will consist of prison food, diminished health, possible rape, and beatings. Deputies beat the prisoners where there are no cameras. The meat has colors that aren’t natural. Medical care is questionable. Prisons and jails are a reality of human rights violations in America.
I lie awake nights praying for his safety. We are looking at too many years to wrap my mind around. My heart feels shattered. It’s easy to catastrophize, believing all the worst scenarios.
There are so many ways for the hope to be sucked out of our hearts. Maybe your daughter is on the streets using drugs. Perhaps a loved one got locked up on a psych hold. Or maybe a relationship feels like it’s on a desert island, and there is no ship. Sometimes, someone you love from the depths of your soul makes it clear that they consider you slightly lower than pond scum.
Is there hope?
We probably didn’t just wake up to this mess. There were signs of depression, hints of a crushed spirit, sinking their way into wildly foolish decision-making. In difficult times, I survived blasts of terrifying anger and devastating circumstances. When I remember the trials I have already been through, I know I can get through this trial by fire too. I remind myself that I didn’t just survive. I overcame.
How do I find hope?
In the midst of sorrow, I remember my God, who loved me so much that He came to earth as a tiny, helpless baby to bring hope to the hopeless. My King, who rules the universe, surely can make everything beautiful in its time. My Prince of Peace, who calmed the waves and storm, can absolutely still my anxious heart. My powerful creator nurtures and sustains his greatly loved creation.
God always provides for me in times of need. He gifts me the skills and resources I need to see me through. God faithfully stands by my side when I need Him most. He will be there for my son. He is a God who loves, provides, and comforts. He is my God of hope.
Israel’s prophet Micah predicts the destruction of Jerusalem and the captivity in Babylon, with the promise of deliverance from captivity woven throughout. I love Micah’s hopefulness entwined in the prophecy of destruction. “But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I will wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me” (Micah 7:7, NIV).
Although we may end up deep in the muck before we can climb out the other side, we wait with great expectation for the infinitely-loving God who always hears. Even if there are harsh consequences for the past, we can be forgiven and brought into light and fresh growth. Even when our circumstances look and feel bleak, God sees the bigger picture. With His pure vision of eternity, He leads us towards the best. Our future is full of goodness because of His character and promises. Messages of suffering and hope crisscross through life’s journey.
I hope in God’s goodness. I rest in His love. I linger in God’s presence.
“I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for him.’ The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord” (Lamentations 3:24-26, NIV).
Heavenly Father, sometimes I feel so small and broken. Please calm my anxious heart. Because you are good, I can confidently rest in you. Because you never fail me, I wait patiently for you with my heart full of hope. You are the God of all hope. Fill me with your joy and peace as I trust in You. Please be with those I love, comforting and protecting them. You are the loving, all-powerful God in whom my hope rests. Grant me the strength to remain confident that I will see your goodness. Amen.
If you love reading, here are some great books that helped me:
- Devotional to bring peace: Finding Peace by Criswell Freeman
- Jail: Waiting Together by Carol Kent
- Self-esteem: Who I Am in Christ by Neil T. Anderson.
- Struggling with unforgiveness:
- Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa TerKeurst
- Secrets to Joy: Love & Forgiveness by me. (coming out this year)
- Autism: Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robison
- Borderline Personality Disorder: Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger
- Emotional Dysregulation: Parenting a Teen Who Has Intense Emotions by Pat Harvey and Britt H. Rathbone
- Toxic relationships:
- When to Walk Away by Gary Thomas
- Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa TerKeurst
Based on a devotion first published by Asbury United Methodist Church, Maitland, Florida, in 2025.
Photo by Emiliano Bar on Unsplash
