Love of life’s pleasures charms me. My favorites are dark chocolate, potato chips, silk carpets, and vacations. Sadly, neither diet nor exercise wedge comfortably into my version of pleasure. After hitting the half-century mark, my nether regions had become pillow-like and my only exercise was jumping to conclusions and fleeing from the gym. Having adopted two children after the age of 40, I found working and raising children in my 50s left me little time and less energy. My lone motivation for improvement was the desire to button my jeans.

I heard that to lose weight you conquer one of four main areas at a time. First, you drink 64 ounces of water daily. I knew I wouldn’t measure it, so I just went for lots. Then when being water-logged is mastered, you add an exercise routine. After that becomes a habit, you work on portion control. Then the final step, because by then you will have exhibited grand fortitude, you just eat tofu and oddball vegetables instead of coffee and pumpkin muffins. I desperately wanted to fit into my jeans again, but the only losing I mastered involved my dignity. Creativity seemed more feasible than discipline here. So, I invoked some imaginative rule-bending, redefined exercise, and miraculously lost the unwanted pudge.

It turns out that boosting my water intake alone had great effects. My skin lost some dryness adding a wee cherubic youthful glow. The number of trips to the powder room became as uncountable as the number of times I said ‘No’ to dark chocolate. If I put on my slipper socks and ran down the hall taking a big slide on the Parquet, arms flapping for balance, I figured I could count that as exercise and move on to step three.

Portion control was tricky because having seconds makes me feel like I am getting something extra out of life, creating an illusion of wealth and opulence. Filling the tummy with water before dinner helped a little but I hit pay dirt by using a smaller dinner plate. Starting with a half portion allowed me to fake myself out and achieve the same delusion of opulence. Happiness.

Having two successes, I felt the teensiest bit guilty that my exercise program consisted of skipping to the loo. Alas, my reality for exercise has always leaned more towards concocting ridiculous excuses rather than completing rigorous exercise. I added one exercise into the mix: ballet pliés hanging onto the frig handle while contemplating what to eat. If it’s too hard to get back up from the deep knee bend, I feel a little less snacky. And when my back hurts at the computer, I do shoulder exercises and seated stomach crunches. I found I stuck with that because it reduced pain, unlike other exercise which more or less inflicts pain. I even tried dropping for a couple of pushups in my office, but that quickly degenerated into a nap. So, I nixed the pushups as a dangerous combination with my biorhythms.

Efforts to abandon potato chips, chocolate, gooey cookies fresh out of the oven, and ice cream were ineffectual. I tried hiding the potato chips but it turns out that when I hide them, I am not yet senile enough to forget where they are.

New Rules: I can still eat all my favorite foods, but I’m only allowed one type per day and I have to serve it in a dish. If I decide today is my potato chip day, I put a handful of potato chips in a small dish, put the bag away, and carry the snack upstairs to eat with a good book. No, I don’t eat the book – although when the chips are gone, it is tempting.

Chocolate, being a vegetable because it’s a bean and all, I can have every day. The magic rule is that I can only eat chocolate between 2 and 3 PM. If I miss my schedule, I promise myself some tomorrow.

A paragon of self-control I am not. My weight loss secrets are not exactly impressive, but they worked for me. The real secret is finding something that works for you. When we have stress and pain in life, it is critical that we sneak in the self-care. Whatever improves your health, enables you to cope with the next trauma.

Since it is so easy to get overwhelmed, right-sizing your water, portions, diet, and exercise can be a great mood boost. Have fun with it! Be creative. Do what works for you. I fit into my jeans again. Thank goodness, because with kids who has time to shop?