No matter how hard I try to read during the flight attendant’s spiel (naughty me), I still hear, “Secure your own mask before assisting others.” If I don’t have what I need to survive, how can I possibly do anyone else any good? As a parent, this is crucial. To be an excellent parent, we need to be our best selves.
Some parents find themselves in an abusive situation. A teenage boy punches his adoptive mom. Unrepeatable things are screamed at parents. Doors are kicked in. Furniture is smashed and the walls look like Swiss cheese. Dearly loved children are estranged. Rules are broken while hearts are crushed. You realize that if this were your spouse, you’d call the police, get a restraining order, and move on with your life. You can’t divorce your children. Somehow, you have to get them to school when nobody slept. Terrifying scenarios are your new normal.
Even if your situation is less dramatic, you still need to put on your oxygen mask first. We can wisely care for ourselves to heal the trauma. When we are strengthened, then we can help our loved one heal from his trauma. What are my tricks for keeping my sanity?
Sanity Tricks:
- In the evening, set aside a little time for a good book or hot bubble bath.
- Take turns with your spouse, another parent, or a friend so you can go out for a massage, a sports event, a pedicure, or a book club.
- Make yourself a special treat.
- Delete something non-critical from your to-do list. I love this one!
- Walk around the neighborhood taking deep breaths and smelling flowers. Listen for the birds.
- Allow yourself the grace to fall behind on the laundry, news, social media, and/or dishes.
- Make a new rule that everyone in the house does his own laundry or takes turns with dishes or cooking.
- Take a few extra minutes with your coffee and read about God’s love and protection.
- See a counselor just for you.
- Journal but make sure your journal is locked and hidden.
- Exercise. Jogging and dancing help burn away stress and fill you with happy endorphins.
- Eat healthy because stress degrades your health.
- Get a really good lock on your bedroom door to keep you safe.
- Call a friend who will listen and then listen to them too.
- Pray and give it all to God. Picture handing it to Him and walking away (perhaps running, depending on the kind of day you had).
- Watch a sunset. Or a sunrise.
- Do your favorite sport or hobby.
- Attend a support group. You can attend online and pretend your camera is broken if your hair looks wonky.
- Listen to music that is calming and peaceful for you.
- Watch comedians or read funny books. Laughing is miraculously healing.
Be bold for sanity
Balance is key. As always, we have responsibilities. Nevertheless, we can choose an idea or two to show ourselves grace and love. Little moments of self-care remind us that we are loved. Then we can pass the love on to others. We must diligently care for ourselves to counteract the trauma surrounding us. It’s hard to have good ideas when we can’t sleep and we feel broken. Be good to yourself.
Remember to do all things in moderation. Having one treat can bring you a smile. Having seven treats might make you feel guilty. Guilt is no fun.
God loves us and we are to love ourselves. 1 John 3:1 “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1) We are deeply loved and cherished. Now, let’s treasure ourselves with self-care so we have the strength to comfort our broken child.
God in Heaven, Thank you that I am not going through this painful time alone. Remind me to rest in your capable arms. Thank you that you are my refuge, sheltering me from danger. Enable me to feel that lavish love you have for me. Heal my deep hurt. Help me to move forward and do good things for myself no matter how I feel. Strengthen me to care lovingly for myself so I can be healthy and energized to love and care for others. Amen.
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